By Gregory C. MacCrone*

The terrorists chalked up another victory today, when the National Transportation Safety Board released information demonstrating that Cory F. Lidle, the Yankee pitcher whose plane crashed into an apartment building in upper Manhattan on October 11, 2006, had links to Al Qaeda.

Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig called the results surprising, but not unexpected. "When you have a situation in which Sammy Sosa and Juan Gonzales are both attempting comebacks…well, you just gotta' wonder," said Mr. Selig. Selig promised a robust investigation into player terrorism, right after he finishes ridding the game of steroids, amphetamines, sunflower seeds, chewing tobacco, bubble gum, sports beverages, hot dogs, peanuts, beer, popcorn, soda pop, crackerjacks, rawhide-covered spheroids, and the smooth, wooden, spheroid-striking rods thought to be prevalent in the game, he told reporters gathered outside his psychiatrist's office.

With just 12.5 hours' experience in the type of plane he was flying, Mr. Lidle was "just competent enough" to purposely direct his single-engine, piston-powered aircraft into the Upper East side building, according to the NTSB report. The report also revealed that the bulk of Mr. Lidle's experience was gained in crop dusting planes in San Diego and that he had attended Top Gun Flight School in Coral Gables, Florida, similarities shared with Mohammed Atta and several other 9/11 hijackers.

When asked about the findings, one Yankees player (who wished to remain anonymous for fear of further alienating his teammates) said Lidle seemed like the "typical, clean-cut, all-American guy… a really stand-up, 'I got your back type' of guy. Everyone liked him. I was envious." When asked if he thought Lidle could be a part of such a plot, the player responded, "Oh, definitely. It's all he ever talked about."

Lidle, 34, had less than 88 hours of total flying time, just under the 92 earned runs he allowed this past season. Coincidentally, his 88 flight-hours exactly equaled the combined total of walks and home runs he allowed in the 2006 campaign. Both he and his instructor were killed in the fiery crash into a 42-story building on East 72nd Street, which briefly resurfaced terrorism fears reminiscent of September 11 among some New Yorkers and anxiety among Baltimore Orioles fans that the 2007 season would start on-time as expected.

Mr. Selig quickly quashed any hopes Orioles fans might have, however, in saying that, "If we put off spring training, the terrorists win."