The ABC network has shaken up its Monday Night Football announcing lineup for the second time in a year and in doing so confirmed that NFL sidelines are no place for news.

The network recently named veteran reporter and play-by-play announcer Michele Tafoya as its MNF sideline reporter. Tafoya replaces Lisa Guerrero who lasted one season in the role.

MNF Producer Fred Gaudelli admits it was "a mistake to hire the former television actress for its showcase sports program," but believes the network has reversed course with the hiring of Tafoya. Listed as her attributes Gaudelli cites "(1) her sweet, sweet onion, and (b) the way she really livens up a turtleneck."

A giant squid, a box of rocks, and a bucket of wet hair were other ABC considerations for the position.

Gaudelli said he doesn't expect Tafoya's hiring to greatly expand the nation's football understanding, but did confess to a tightening in his own pants.

Sideline reporters at NFL games - male, female or android - are never going to do much for sports journalism beyond advancing a discussion of the high ankle sprain. The NFL restricts where reporters can go and who they can talk to during a game, so it's no coincidence that the most often-asked question among sideline reporters is: "Coach, what did you tell your team during halftime?"

Tafoya, however, eschews the characterization that she is nothing more than another morsel of vacuous eye candy for the increasingly desperate MNF institution. She cites her experience as an intercollegiate basketballer (lesbian) and that she has cut her sports broadcasting teeth on radio, CBS, and most recently, ESPN.

Industry insiders and Joe Sixpacks alike, however, expect her to continue the tradition of utterly uncredible ABC sideline reporters.

ABC insider Fred Barney confesses she is likely to be just another in a string of "stupid good lookings" for the network. "She has that certain je ne sais quoi that appeals to our desired horny and 'testosteroney' 18-35 male demographic," a path most recently trod, as reported by Bill Spain in these pages, by Guerrero and What's-Her-Name.

Guerrero previously known for her role on The Best Damn Sports Show Period, the desperate Tom Arnold vehicle on Fox Sports, used to be an NFL cheerleader. Her representative has said she is considering offers, including one for an infomercial for the Jack LaLane juicer.

*Greg MacCrone - often called Gary, Jeff, or Doug - is an unemployed, bitter malcontent. But at least he lives in Portland, Oregon, where you don't. He is currently seeing a woman who refuses to be called his "girlfriend." He buys his oatmeal from the bulk food bins and is working on an article about 49ers quarterback Tim Rattay's recent testicular trauma and unrelated string of horrible gardening accidents. MacCrone acknowledges, and apologizes to, John Levesque at the Seattle Post-Intelligencer.