Barry Bonds has found new things to blame the media for, most recently for his benign enlarged prostate.

"You guys are to blame for this. Your hounding me 24/7 messed [my prostate] up. Now it's bigger than it's supposed to be."

The enlargement was detected in a digital exam performed by Felipe Alou, the Giants' manager, who later "scoped" Bonds' colon, pronouncing it "unremarkable."

Alou is known as a "hands-on" skipper, unafraid of the "dirty work" that goes with keeping his players' healthy.

"Felipe is gentle," said Jason Schmidt, a pitcher. "He's in and out real fast, you hardly know what hit you."

Alou said that he would "follow" Bonds' prostate, but was not too concerned. He also drew Bonds' blood, he said, to establish a baseline PSA level, which he planned to check periodically for meaningful elevations.

He then politely excused himself, saying he was scheduled to remove several "suspicious moles" on outfielder Darius Williams' back.

"There's a [cancer] history in the kid's family, so we're being aggressive," Alou said.

Bonds scowled at reporters as he stood to leave, taking a final swipe. "You know what else? You guys messed up my lawn. I'm blamin' you for that, too."