By Gregory C. MacCrone*

New York Yankees ace reliever Mariano Rivera admitted last week to a hushed Yankees press room that the Boston Red Sox are, indeed, his daddy.

The stunning announcement comes on the heals of last season's comments by former Red Sox pitcher Pedro Martinez, now with the New York Mets, that the Yankees were his daddy.

Arguably the game's premier closer, Rivera sports 336 saves and a 2.43 ERA over his 10-year career. Last year he appeared in 74 games and saved 53 games, both career bests, with a 1.95 ERA.

Notwithstanding his ruthless effectiveness against the American League, he has blown six of his past 11 saves chances against the Sox. Since the beginning of 2001, almost half of Rivera's blown saves -- 12 of 28 -- have come against the Red Sox, including two last week.

When Rivera said that his "daddy" was the Red Sox, he seemed to imply that they were his master, that he was their slave, and as a slave that he had no rights vis-à-vis them.

But the meaning of Rivera's recent comments is unclear given that in 1865, Congress and the states passed the Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution abolishing slavery. Moreover, if Rivera meant that the Red Sox are his "master" in the sense of being a party to the contract under which he works, then he is also clearly mistaken. That right belongs to the Yankees.

Nietzsche talked of a sort of psychological slavery in his essay on master and slave morality, but it is unclear if Rivera intended his remarks to be construed as a reference to the 19th century German ethicist's body of work.

"I'm a human being," Rivera said after one of last week's blown saves, when he gave up a home run to Boston's Jason Varitek. "I bleed. I'm not a machine."

If in fact Rivera does bleed, then according to Major League Baseball officials, a vial of that blood will be needed to conduct a DNA test to determine the paternity of Rivera and Martinez.

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In other only marginally-related news

• Martinez also lashed out at Red Sox management at what he perceives to be the besmirching of his reputation. In a rambling, largely incoherent, and Jeri-curl dripping interview with the Boston Herald, Martinez said he doesn't care if he gets his World Series ring from last year's championship team.

"If they want to keep the ring, that's fine," he said.

The players' rings are expected to be valued at around $50,000 a piece. When told of Martinez' comments, Red Sox General Manager Theo Epstein said, "Okay, if he insists."

• Also, Fox Television has announced that "Scooter," the talking, animated baseball on their broadcasts will not return for the 2005 season.

Scooter, the brainchild of baseball commissioner Bud Selig, was intended to appeal to a younger demographic with its edgy attitude -- a bit like Bart Simpson, but without the body and yellow hue.

Fox officials pushed aside reports that the network felt "betrayed" by reports of Scooter's off-season discussions with the Arizona Diamondbacks for their at-the-time vacant manager position. When asked for comment, Scooter dismissed reports that he was asked to resign, saying he wanted to spend more time with is family and on personal matters. The Diamondbacks, meanwhile, insist that Bob Melvin was always their first choice for the position.

• And finally, the St. Louis Cardinals did not attend the Pope's funeral in Rome this last week, but the idiotically-led Arizona Cardinals did.

* Gregory MacCrone is an overeducated and underemployed Portland, Oregon, attorney practicing "door law." Anything that walks in the door, that's what he practices. He doesn't think Aaron Rodgers is the answer the 49ers need, but he's really big on the Giants' Pedro Feliz.