By Gregory MacCrone*

In the on-deck circle, in the bottom of the 9th inning, just before his at-bat in game seven of the National League Championship Series at Yankee Stadium, Albert Pujols was “wired in.” The bedlam of 47,714 fans and the history of the Houston Astros franchise – recent, as well as long past – failed to distract his focus.

Pujols, of course, hit the second pitch he saw from closer Brad Lidge 11 city blocks deep past the left field bleachers. In the process, he propelled his St. Louis Cardinals over the Astros, 5-4, and back to St. Louis for Game 6. It was only the sixth deciding game walk-off homerun in the history of the Major League Baseball playoffs.

The Non-answer

Asked afterwards in the Budweiser-soaked Cardinals clubhouse to explain his clout, Pujols offered only the standard baseball bromides but with a slight Spanish accent.

Investigation into the game-winning home run, however, has revealed possible illegal drug use by the most recent October hero for the Cardinals.

Pujols’ agent would not comment for this article, but for dismissing as “speculation” unconfirmed reports that very recently Pujols began taking “supplements and breakfast vitamins” on game days.

Cardinals front office personnel also did not comment on the record. But, one source speaking on the condition of anonymity, did confide that prior to leaving the dugout for the on-deck circle, Pujols admitted to feeling “‘amped’ … wired in and ready to knock the cover off the ball.”

Piss-poor Post-season

Pujols’ tenure with the Cardinals has been nothing but sweet. His play at first base is solid and his offense never disappoints. Coming into the ninth inning, he was 0 for 4, but batting over .300 in the post-season.

Slumps are nothing new to the game, and every player experiences them at one time or another during a season. What is new, however, is players’ increasingly assertive attempts to end them with outside assistance. And more and more players are turning to the backyard laboratory for that help.

The use of performance enhancing drugs is also not new too baseball. In the summer of 1998, St. Louis slugger Mark McGwire was revealed to be using androstenedione Jose Canseco’s prodigious talents are thought to have been based partly on his use of synthetic steroids.

But the matter of using methamphetamine -- also known as meth, crystal meth, crunk, ice, raw, and speed -- elevates the discussion to a wholly different level. Prepared exclusively for illicit use and characterized by its euphoric effects, meth affects a user’s cardiovascular, nervous, psychological, and gastrointestinal systems.

“No shit, he jacked that one,” said Dr. Emerson Brown, a clinical biochemist at St. Louis Legacy Hospital. “Feelings of omnipotence and illusions of grandeur are the sine qua non of persons under the influence of crack. Hyperalertness and feelings of disproportionate strength are usual. Imagine the story of the grandmother lifting the Volkswagen car off her grandchild, and you get the picture,” Brown added.

Indeed, the excitation of the central nervous system and sensory distortion may have played heavily in the coming-together of skills required to hit a pitched baseball.

That Pujols would feel “amped … wired in” may indicate symptoms of such drug usage.

“All-night Parties”

Most average and lesser-known players try to curry favor with their more talented and famous teammates by lavishing attention on them. Billy Martin’s obsequiousness when around Whitey Ford is one well-known example.

Similarly, Pujols was known for throwing “wild, all-night parties” at his spacious downtown loft condominium. “They even filmed one of those Visa commercials with there,” said one frequent party-goer who spoke anonymously.

Cardinals management reportedly had warned the first baseman about his “going out every night” and the effect on the team, this source said. Pujols supposedly denied any problem. According to this front office insider, he was seen much later that same night at Orso, Cheetah and the Broome Street Bar.

Mysterious Housekeeper

Apparently, Pujols’ live-in housekeeper had had enough of the career .332 hitter’s debauched antics. Wilma Cline, 42, was new to the Pujols condominium, having just joined the household this past week. “It’s been non-stop,” Cline said. “Ever since I come here, for almost two weeks, it’s nothing but party, party, party. I asked to keep it down. I warned about his play the next day. I couldn’t take it no more.”

Cline says she walked in on Pujols in a condominium bathroom with an array of lighters, solvent canisters, cold medicines, drain cleaner, cook pots, and a hot plate on the counter. “He quickly waved at the air [as if to disperse smoke] and threw his hand over his mouth. I panicked,” the housekeeper said.

The following day – the morning of game seven – Cline went to the authorities.

Police were skeptical of the woman’s story. “She came into the station telling this story, and yet when we asked her questions about her background, she would only say that she’s from Florida and previously worked for a national, conservative, radio talk show host,” police spokesperson Mary Carey said. “We have no idea who or what she’s talking about.”

Carey added, “Law enforcement officials questioned Cline further, but found no evidence of probable cause and declined to pursue the matter.”

League to Investigate

Nevertheless, Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig warned, “anything that could possibly taint the integrity of the game would be dealt with accordingly.” He promised “a speedy, thorough, and unbiased, but mostly speedy, investigation.

* Gregory MacCrone is a Portland, Oregon, writer in the midst of a severe creativity drought