Duchess County, NY, 3/16/06--The black male described as 5'8", about 180 pounds and wearing a ski cap—and a suspect in nearly half a million crimes in recent decades--has reportedly been apprehended in Poughkeepsie, NY, sources at The Poughkeepsie Journal disclosed Wednesday night.

The man, whose name is being withheld, is said to have been arrested while trying to rob a local Dunkin Donuts, Tuesday night. He was described as a black male, about 5'8", 180 pounds and wearing a ski cap. If true, it could put an end to the hunt for surely the most elusive, prolific and generic criminal in the history of law enforcement.

"We think we got him," a local police official said confidently. "This guy fits the bill. He's like right out of the composite sketch."

With his capture, the FBI said it expected the national violent crime rate to fall by at least 30% immediately, and the urban violent crime rate to decrease by as much as 45%.

"This is a coup," said Irwin O'Connell, an FBI spokesman. "We've been looking for this guy, Christ, for how many years? He's been all over the map, literally, in like hundreds of different places at once, committing countless heinous crimes everywhere. This is him: that 5'8" black guy with the ski cap! We're elated!"

"We're extremely encouraged by this," Al Chertkpin, head of the FBI's forensic unit, echoed, if somewhat more cautiously. "But it's a bit tricky classifying this guy. He seems to be a serial rapist, serial burglar, serial armed robber, and serial murderer all in one. That's highly unusual."

Chertkpin added that the detained suspect is reported to be in his late 20's or early 30's, "fitting the profile exactly;" but that "doesn't explain, from a time-line standpoint, his staggering criminal acitivity over the last 30 years.

"In other words, this guy should be approaching his 60's?"

"But that's a minor point," Chertkpin stressed. "Who cares about those details? From what I'm hearing, this is the guy. Black male, 5'8", about 180 pounds, and a dead-on image of the composite. That's what's important. We knew we'd get him someday. And we got him."

The suspect's lawyer, through his lawyer, asserted his client's innocence, suggesting that, as the true facts became known, it would be made clear that his client was merely trying to "buy some donuts."