East Rutherford, NJ--The New Jersey Nets have asked Dikembe Mutombo, their center, to rebound more productively next season and become coherent. Mutombo speaks seven languages, but none intelligibly.

"It's very impressive," said Noam Chomsky, the MIT professor whose seminal work on language has made a difference in no one's life. "Dikembe makes Leon Spinks look like Flaubert."

"We think the rebounding goal is attainable," said Rod Thorn, the team's GM. "But to be honest, we're not optimistic we'll ever be able to understand Dikembe. I question whether Dikembe even understands himself."

"Dikembe can't be translated," Thorn added. "We've looked. It's not possible."