The Knicks, injury-riddled, low on talent and desperately in search of an identity, have settled on “gay,” according to head coach Don Chaney.

Chaney, sucking down a beer from a brown paper bag at a practice just prior to the team’s final pre-season game, said, “You need an identity entering the season, and gay seems about the only one that fits. The players aren’t too happy about it, but that’s tough shit. It’s my call, and they’re gonna have to live with it.”

Chaney said identities can change during a season, and he was open to that possibility. “But right now, we’re definitely gay and need to accept that. There’s no point in fighting it. Let’s work with it and go from there.”

“Look at who our leader is,” Chaney said, alluding to Allan Houston. “What more needs to be said?”

The team will host its first gay pride celebration next month, Chaney said. Players’ attendance will be mandatory, he added.